Free Public Service Announcements for travelers

with my compliments. Use these tips wisely. They might save your life someday.

  1. If your day might take you into a crowded enclosed space such as an airplane, a train, or a bus, please moderate the amount of the perfume you apply. Dousing yourself head to toe with Axe, or Wicked, or Bath and Body Gardenia Glow might make you feel luscious, but there is a downside. You might find yourself stuck next to a seat partner having a severe allergy attack. Take it from me, flying from New Bern to Atlanta with your eyes swollen and watering and your nose running like a faucet makes a person somewhat less sociable than they might otherwise be. Dear lady in the purple sweater – I apologize if I seemed rude. It wasn’t that I didn’t *want* to chat with you pleasantly, I just couldn’t stop coughing long enough. Perhaps a wee dram LESS of the Dolce and Gabbana next time?
  2. Bluetooth devices are handy and ubiquitous. I know this. But please, dear friends of mine, try not to lose sight of the fact that you are in a public space. Private conversations become significantly less so in crowded airports. Listen to yourselves for a moment – you may be surprised to learn that you speak at 4 or 5 times your normal volume when talking on a bluetooth device. By the way, man in the green polo shirt, I have now heard so many conversations about your trucking business that I believe I could run it for you. Call me if you want my resumé. What’s that – you don’t have my contact information? Odd, I know yours. And your customers’. And your junior manager’s. Pipe down, dude. If I’m sitting 15 feet away and I can hear you recite someone’s phone number to your voice dial thingy – that’s just over the top.

Thank you, fellow travelers, for your consideration and support.

Love and kissies, the hostile bitch that has been glaring at you for the past hour and a half.

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